I have made the biggest of decisions to start exercising again. But not just that but to get up early in the morning to do so. This is a big decision for me because I am simply not a morning person. In fact, I HATE mornings. But, many people say that’s the best time to exercise and, to be honest, after I get home from work, the last thing I feel like doing is changing my clothes and working out, especially since I always feel like I have limited time in the evenings, even if I don’t. Also, if I exercise in the mornings, then I can go out with my friends without using it as an excuse to skip it, which I have used in the past. Plus, as a bonus, maybe this will help me NOT join a gym right now with money being tight. Because, admittedly, I failed my initial experiment to exercise at home. I haven’t really been exercising at all and it’s starting to take a toll on my weight loss. When I was going to a gym, since it was on the way home, stopping there just worked out better because, again, once I get home after work, I don’t feel like doing ANYTHING!
Anyway, I am going to try it this week and see how I feel. I am holding myself to doing it every single morning and seeing if it’ll work out. And then I’ll go from there. Because, honestly, this weight is only moving so far without me exercising and it’s driving me NUTS! I… I was doing so well on this diet last time, before everything in my life just fell to shit. And thinking back on it makes me just weep. And one of the things that worked the most was me exercising. So, I have to get that back so I can get back to where I was and hope, for once, I have the strength to keep going.
So, yes. That’s all.
7:20 pm • 20 May 2012 • 1 note
inthethickofit:
Suited floral
I don’t have to dress in business professional outfits all that often, but today required it. I felt a need to pop a really bright shirt today.
Suit - Old Navy (jacket 18, Pants 18)
Shirt - thrifted
Earrings - Forever 21
Watch - gift
Glasses - SEE
Shoes - Franco Sarto size 11
(via heyfatchick)
9:32 pm • 22 March 2012 • 75 notes
I am going back to posting my brand of thinspo. For those who don’t know/remember what it is, it’s basically things like clothes and shoes I can’t wait to be able to wear and activities I can’t wait to do. If you are looking for the typical thinspo of just pretty skinny bodies, this is probably not the place for you. There are MANY body shapes I can’t physically obtain and I really don’t want to obsess over them and drive myself crazy over the fact I can never be that way. So I’ll focus on what I know I can obtain if I try. :D
For instance, while I could probably wear a dress like this now, it just would look awful. One day I hope to be a size where wearing a dress like this makes me feel beautiful rather than bigger. :D
9:30 pm • 22 March 2012
Boo!
My weight loss isn’t going so well at the moment. I think it’s because I was off my diet for a couple weeks and my body kind of reset itself back to factory, so to speak. On monday I was 387.7 but then I was 390.8 on wednesday. I guess I need to go back to weighing myself once or twice a week with enough days in between to show REAL weight loss and weight gain. Because, at the moment, I can’t tell if either of those weights are the real deal or if it’s just my body being all messed up from restarting my diet. I plan to weigh myself again tomorrow and then figure out some set days for weighing. Probably tuesdays and fridays again but, we’ll see.
I also need to start exercising. This weekend I’m going to give heavy thought to whether I want to re-join Curves or exercise on my own at home. Victory Fitness is just out of the question right now. I actually cancelled my membership with them because, when I first joined, I was going with my roommate and it was convenient getting to and from there. Now, by myself, it makes getting to them so hard and annoying that I began skipping days and then stopped going altogether. But, Curves is very accessible and I know I would actually USE the membership. But, then again, exercising at home is just the ultimate in convenience. But it’s hard to stay motivated when there’s so much crap I want to do at home. So, I don’t know.
Anyway, I’m sure I’ll make the best decision I can. Also, I hope to at least make it through one damn week of my diet without falling off at least once. :D I hope you all are doing well on your diets. I wish all of us luck. *blows kiss*
9:23 pm • 22 March 2012
I’m not sure what my starting weight was…
…but, right now, I’m 391.1. I believe, when I started, I hit 430 or above. But, since my scale only goes to 400, I didn’t know till recently how much I weighed.
Anyway, here goes nothing. :D
12:13 am • 14 March 2012
August 4, 2010
…that was the last time I posted here. It’s… shameful, to say the least. As briefly as possible (which probably won’t be brief at all), I’ll explain my absence.
-I had a semi falling out with my roommate/best friend and I had to move out. I believe, if I’m remembering correctly, I moved out in April. I ended up moving in with two other friends for a bit while I found a place to live. Somehow I emotionally dealt with all that while completely staying on my diet. In June, I believe, I found a place to live by myself and then, in August, I moved in.
-I’m not sure what happened to be the catalyst then, to make August 4th 2010 the last day I posted here. I guess it was because, all at once, too much shit was happening. I was living by myself for the first time in five years (possibly more), it was financially jarring, my apartment had FLEAS from a previous tenant, and it was all sinking in that the reality was I had lost the friendship I had with my best girl. Yes, we were going to still be friends but we had been so close and hung out ALL THE TIME and to go from that to seeing her, like, once a week, if I’m lucky, was harsh.
-I fell RIGHT off my diet. I started eating shitty again and stopped exercising. It was a slow transition but it happened and then it just got worse and worse. On top of that, in March of last year, I was put on a special project at work. It was stressful. VERY stressful. And they provided us free food of which I took plenty of advantage of. It got to some very embarrassing points for me: One is too personal to EVER reveal, one is that my back started hurting again anytime I walked somewhere (which happened before when I was 450lbs), and another was that I broke a toilet off a wall. It was an awful and HORRIBLE low point for me. So, July/August of last year, I decided I can’t go on like this.
-I’ve been on my diet since then. I’ve had plenty of ups and downs and am losing way slower than I lost last time, but I’m trying to approach it differently this time, more realistically and less all-consuming. Last time, I let my diet completely rule my life. Yes, being on top of your diet is the way to go, especially to keep your willpower strong. But, last time, I was so obsessed I couldn’t even see past it and I honestly felt way too much pressure. I don’t want to go back to that.
But I don’t want to stay fat like this forever. I can’t, it’s just too much. So, I’m hoping that, through using this tumblr again, I can stay motivated to continue but I’m also hoping that venting every once in awhile will keep me from getting too hyperfocused and let me get this done without feeling so much pressure that I just want to say fuck it.
If you read this, thank you. And, again, sorry. I feel like I let everyone down. :-/
12:10 am • 14 March 2012
Weigh-in 8/4/10:
Starting weight: 379.3
Last week’s weight: 357.4
This week: -0.3 pounds
Total weight loss so far: 25.4
This has been an AWFUL week. First the cheat meal that I didn’t even like, plus I was PMSing like CRAZY. Between this weigh-in and last, I actually somehow got up to 355.1. I was the same weight monday but then I finally went down to this today. Idk if it’s still period bloat or what is going on but I am so unhappy with this. Mind you, it’s better to have the scale go down and not up. But, even so, I’ve been working so hard and watching everything I eat and ACTUALLY exercising. I want this to be post period bloat but I fear it’s not. Idk. I’m going to wait till next weigh-in and see what happens. If the scale barely budges again, I’m going to evaluate what I’m eating and see if I can tweak it here and there.
So yeah, boo. I hope next week is so much better.
11:35 pm • 4 August 2010 • 1 note
